(p.s. this was writtem a day ago...)
“Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?”
I think I was a little (a lot) downcast when I wrote that blurb of a blog post yesterday…mostly because trying to snag a dorm room to live in come January went horribly. I was lamenting about it to my friends here, who were being so sympathetic, but then one of them joked, “Oh man…your rooming…sounds like an IDP camp!”
Oh.
Snap.
I immediately stopped complaining, because egads, I have no right to whine at all! Yes, I’m currently living in the basement of a dorm no one wants to live in, with a random roommate, separated from all my friends, la la la…but really, how far away from my friends will I be? Five minutes max. And, I’ll have hot showers. And a snacks-shelf in my room. And a bookshelf, come to think of it. With books. And more clothes than I will ever need. And more pillows than I will ever need (did I mention my floor-mattress in the Mzu wasn’t accompanied by a pillow?). And heating and AC. And so so so so many more things that I so easily take for granted.
I feel really silly for being “downcast” about such a ridiculous thing as a dorm room when I’ve seen so many legitimately disturbing things this semester… When I get to that dorm room of mine, I’m going to plaster it with pictures and names and notes from this experience, to remind myself: You are blessed. You are privileged. You have no right to complain, and every reason to rejoice.
That’s the truth.
“Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him,
My Savior and my God.”
Not gonna lie, though, I’m a tad concerned about reverse culture-shock. We had a little debrief before we fled Kampala (well, we really fled Gulu…thank you, pneumonic plague), and we talked a lot about challenges we’re going to face when we get home. So, I’d like to take this moment to formally apologize to anyone who experiences Bitter Betty Mary back in the States. Bitter Betty Mary grumbles about materialism and NGOs and cultural insensitivity and ignorance and college kids who waste their money and educations…and probably comes off sounding very self-righteous and jaded in the process. I DO NOT want to be bitter about things in America, but so far I have seen a bit of that jadedness come out in conversations…and I sincerely apologize if that continues when I get home. Please be patient with me.
But you know what’s fantastic? I have hope that God is bigger than my bitterness. Seriously, if anyone had the right to be jaded and world-weary, it was Christ—but he met all of us ignorant, selfish people with absolute, undiluted love. I trust He’ll help me do the same (and that He’ll forgive Bitter Betty Mary when/if she strikes again). God is good.
Also, even though I’ll be back on American soil in 3-ish days, I’m sure I’ll still be blogging here. (Especially since I’ll actually be able to post pictures and videos!!!)
More things to expect from me when I get back:
Instead of nodding yes, I will be raising my eyebrows. I can’t stop it. It’s really sort of a problem.
I’m rather tan. Like, an ethnicity darker. Boda drivers in Gulu kept asking me if I was from Spain (score!). However, I’ve yet to discover if my “tan” is actually ingrained dirt, which is quite possible… I might be back to my normal Caucasian-ness after a vigorous shower. We’ll see.
After four months studying other things, I think I’ve forgotten how to speak Spanish and play piano. BOOOOOO Radley.
Friends and Fam—you will be receiving the biggest hugs ever in a very short while. These hugs will probably be paired with high pitched noises coming from somewhere within the very core of my happy soul…Consider yourselves forewarned.
Jmary
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